How is this possible?
Take a jam-packed agenda and add a 2 and 3 year old to it for a week. At the end of it I assure you....only the strongest will survive. Trust me, it's easier to withstand a brutal hangover while riding a tilt-a-whirl than brave what Super Husband and I did. We made it out alive but believe me, it was a touch and go situation.
Our
The first leg of our vacation was camping. Super Husband and I were avid campers pre-children. So many fond memories of relaxing by the beach, snuggling by the camp fire and enjoying a cold brew. Ha! Long gone are those days, my friend! We arrived at Algonquin Park on Sunday afternoon after an eventful ride over and multiple potty breaks. We get to our site and start to unload. The kids, having been pent up in the car for hours on end, are about to go ballistic. They get out and start running around. Super Husband and I are still reeling from the news that there is a TOTAL FIRE BAN under effect. What the fuck? Who goes camping and doesn't get to have a camp fire? US, apparently! It's actually so dry that the entire site is a cloud of dust which immediately envelops all of us and clings to us because we are sweating like pigs. Awesome.
On to tent building. Super Husband pulls the gear out and realizes not one but TWO poles are broken. This is despite the fact he had set the tent up in our yard without incident only days before. Awesome.
I don't know how, but Super Husband gets the damn thing erected and then moves on to inflating the air mattresses. With the lovely car adapter power device he purchased only hours before. Plugs it in. Nothing. What the fuck? Oh, right.....it's only 210 volts and the air mattress requires 220 volts. Awesome.
After an emergency trip to the store, we get the silly things inflated and the kids snacked up and eat dinner. Now what? Dusk is approaching, Super Husband and I are exhausted.....and we can't light a damn fire. The bugs are surrounding us....so we moved on to our favourite time of the day. Bedtime.
Of course, it's still not dark out, the guys are totally hopped up on candy and frankly do not want to sleep. After 1.5 hours of struggling the kids are finally asleep. So are we.
I wake up at about 2am and feel like I've been beaten with a stick. My back is wrenched. What the hell is going on? Oh right....the air mattress that me and Buddy are sleeping on is completely deflated. Awesome.
We get up the next morning and excitedly get ready for our day. We've reserved two bikes and a trailer to use on the old railway bike trail. This is going to be freaking great! We get all ready, set out, get all set up and the kids loaded and start on our way. After 6 minutes the total meltdown started in the trailer.
"He's touching me"
"Make him stop"
"Don't look at me"
"I want to walk"
"Where's MY bike"?
We were forced to stop. At which point the kids ejected themselves from the trailer.
Meanwhile, other families rode by with their content smiling children happy as clams. Assholes! What do these parents do? Do they sedate the children beforehand? What are we doing wrong here?
After 20 minutes of argument we finally convince them to get back in the trailer and continue. All is good. For three minutes. Then the fighting starts again.
We stop and break out lunch. Buddy announces, "I have to poo". Of course. How convenient.
By this time it's like 400 degrees and we are sweaty, dirty and fed up. we decide to take Buddy to the washroom, eat and then head back. Super Husband announces he thinks he's going to pass out. What? Pulling a trailer with 80 pounds of kids and gear can't be that hard, can it? Awesome.
So back we go. We get back to the bike shop. We had paid for a 24-hour rental. Two hours had elapsed. I ask the kid if we can change our rental to the 4 hour version as we are done. He gets the supervisor who takes one look at us and asks, "It was that good, huh"? Yes....it was. Awesome.
The rest of the trip camping was a blur. Lots of meltdowns from both kids and parents. Little Man had an EPIC meltdown at bedtime and was disturbing everyone in the park so I strapped him in his car seat to scream it out (don't worry...I was in the car with him). He freaked out so bad that he burst a blood vessel in his eye. No, I am not kidding. Awesome.
In the end we got up the following morning and hauled ass out of there. Super Husband advised me it would be "a loooong time" before we camp again.
I will elaborate on our next vacation adventure in another instalment. Right now....I've got to work.
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