Up Yours, Garmin Lady!

I am lucky enough to not have to travel too much on my job but yet do have the occasional need.  The best part is that the travel I do is typically for training or to attend a conference.  This fall I've hit the jackpot of business travel:  San Francisco and Las Vegas.

So yesterday morning I headed out to catch my flight to San Francisco.  I was super excited as my company has a policy that if you have a flight lasting more than 2 hours you get to fly Executive Class - BONUS!

Well I got on the plane and settled into my super comfy seat ready for 5 hours and 26 minutes of pampering.  Admittedly, it started off well:  orange juice, my vegetarian meal and lots of movies at my disposal.  About 2 hours into the flight the pilot came on the intercom and asked if there was a doctor on board to please identify themselves.  Ummmmmm......WHY?????

Then we realized there was a big commotion in the back of the plane.  All the flight staff rushed to the back.  They would occasionally run up to first class to grab supplies.  Sometimes a first aid kit or a blanket, other times oxygen tanks (yikes) or forms.  As a result of all this, the bathrooms at the rear of the plane were blocked off and everyone was routed to the first class bathroom.  So, we had a line of people desperate to pee for most of the flight.  Sadly, this also impacted our snack service.  I was so looking forward to my fresh baked cookie and ice cream!  Boooo....

Once we finally landed, we were all told to remain until medic was able to get in and get the ill passenger off.  The good news was that the man will be okay.  He had passed out (migraine) and had very low blood pressure.  Phew!

After that drama, I was off to collect my rental car.  I went over and waited in line and naturally got the grumpiest staff member working.  You know, the type that makes no effort to disguise the fact that they hate what they do for a living.

Grumpy Worker:  What kind of car do you drive at home?
Me:  A Volswagen Jetta
Grumpy Worker:  Is an Intrepid okay?

Ugh....I hate Intrepids.  No offense to Intrepid drivers but they are not my thing.  But honestly....I don't care enough to make a fuss.

Me:  Sure

So Grumpy Worker tells me to go outside to parking spot 123 to pick up my car.  Great.  Out I go.  Oh yes!  There's the spot!  There's the car!  Wait!  Why are the lights on?  Is a worker warming it up for me?  So helpful!  Wait!  Why is the car now accelerating?  Why is it leaving?  Why am I not the driver?

Someone took my car.

I stood in the now empty spot dumbfounded.  Suddenly an Avis Van pulled up, apparently full of employees. 

Worker: Do you need help? 
Me: Ummm...someone just drove off with my car.
Worker:  (laughs) Maybe they were overwhelmed with how good looking you are.
Me:  Ya, I guess.
Worker:  Go back inside to the "Preferred" desk and someone will help you.

So off I go back inside.  The "Preferred" desk was another world.  Apparently even staffed by friendly employees!  Score!  So I explained my predicament to the nice lady.  Apparently this is not uncommon.  Nice to know.  Then the best thing happened:

Nice Worker:  Do you mind if we replace the Intrepid with a Convertible Camaro?
Me:  Uhhhh.  Yes.  That would be fine.

She then took the GPS I had rented from me and offered to program it.  Great.  She put in Pier 33 (where I was heading next to go on an Alcatraz tour) and also my hotel.  I left feeling like I won the lottery.

Trust me, it was short-lived.

I thought the GPS would make the trip easy.  And since it was already programmed how could I go wrong?  I set it up, turned it on and VOILA!  The nice Garmin GPS lady started to guide me to my destination.  How awesome!  I was driving my super cool Camaro in California!  Alcatraz here I come!

What I didn't know is that the Garmin Lady really isn't nice at all.  She's an evil and cunning Beotch.  She plotted against me, an innocent, unknowing foreigner.  Stupid cow.

I couldn't possibly recount all of the events that unraveled in the next 2 hours.  What I can tell you is that I crossed that fucking Bay Bridge about 6 times.  Yes, you read that right.  Garmin Lady would tell me to "Keep Left".  So I would.  Seconds later she would demand that I "take the next exit".  The next exit would be about 200 feet ahead.  On the Interstate.  In traffic, while moving at a rapid pace.  Not happening.  Every time I missed an exit or turn I would have to backtrack.  It was infuriating.  The joke is that since I have never been to California and have never driven a Camaro I was totally out of my element.  I sometimes didn't even realize I was backtracking!  Sometimes she would tell me to turn right and I would (and be very happy to have successfully followed the direction) when she would spontaneously announce "Recalculating"!  Stupid Bitch!  Even when I follow instructions I am wrong.

Sadly, after 2 hours of driving to a destination 30 minutes away I never made my tour.  The tour I had paid for and was non refundable.  Fan-freaking-tastic!

Ultimately I parked and took a walk around San Fran.

Oh look:  An island with a prison on it!  I wonder if they do tours?

To lessen the pain, I stopped at Ben & Jerry's and had a chocolate chunk scoop in a sugar cone.  It helped.

I got back in the car and set out to get to the hotel in Pleasanton (40 minutes outside San Francisco).  This trip took me 1 hour and 15 minutes.  A marked improvement, although it also included being guided onto the commuter (carpool) lanes of the interstate.  Ya, it was pretty obvious that there was only one person in the convertible.....

Long story short, I made it, checked in, had dinner at a fast food chinese joint and hit the sack.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring :)

How Did THAT Happen?

I can hardly believe it. I have been a mom for 3 whole years now (longer if you also count incubation time)! Yup, Buddy turned 3 on September 11th. My baby is a self-proclaimed "big boy". Part of me is super happy to be leaving the stage of constant need and, let's be honest, Super Husband and I have really been glorified slaves in a way for the last 3 years. We still are, of course, but it is slowly shifting and so very cool to see our little men grow.

Anyway, enough of that.

We had an awesome weekend. The weather actually cooperated (for once) and we were able to host Buddy's Birthday Party at Centre Island, as planned! The site was perfect and great fun was had by all. With the exception of getting there which was a major ordeal and ultimately almost culminated in Super Husband and I divorcing each other. That would have been a real downer so luckily we got ourselves pulled together and got ourselves and food for 25 guests transported to the island in the nick of time!

Sunday, Buddy's actual birthday, was spent at the Zoo.  Our daycare was hosting an event there so we got tickets that included a catered lunch for the daycare customers.  The event was fun....with the exception of the entertainment.  They had hired a performer to sing to the kids at lunch time and we snagged perfect seats - front and center on the grass by the microphone.  This was going to be great!  The kids would be amused and hopefully mesmirized into a state of lethargy so Super Husband and I could have a breater and maybe, maybe even get to eat our lunch!

Or not.

The performer started.  At first the boys were excited and even jumped to their feet to dance.  And then they realized she was bad.  Like REALLY bad.  Pitchy, preachy and not entertaining.  Just annoying.  It was at this point that Buddy proclaimed that he "hates the dumb music".  We tried to ignore his comments.  Another little boy started throwing rocks and other debris at the entertainer.....then Buddy lost it.  He started to scream and cry.  Super Husband looked at me and stated the obvious:  "well she is pretty bad".  So we relocated.  Buddy was transformed into a calm and happy guy again.  And while we did not have a relaxing lunch - at least we ate!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Buddy!

Food For Thought...

September has always been a month of new beginnings in my mind. For many years, it marked the start of school. A brand new year. Later, with the birth of Buddy, it marked the beginning of my journey as a mom. Every year at this time I get the urge to do something new.

This year, in the spirit of being budget conscious, we finally decided enough was enough and we are trying our hand at meal planning. It sounds so simple in theory, right? Well, perhaps I'm more challenged than most. I found it HARD. And frankly, I've barely started. I'm hoping it gets easier.

The last couple of weeks I have eagerly trolled the internet for new and excited recipes. Of course they need to be vegetarian. And not too time consuming. And, bonus points if I can get one that the kids will actually eat.

So I'm a bit late seeing as it is already September 2nd, however, last night I stayed up until the wee hours and filled in my little meal planning calendar with dinner items. Now, I did cheat a bit as I'm only meal planning Mondays through Fridays. Weekends are a whole other beast. We never know what will be on the agenda so instead of setting us up for failure I've left them blank.

I have my (ridiculously long) shopping supply list for me today. I will actually be buying ALL the ingredients needed to pull off a month of dinners with the exception of the produce which I will buy each week.

We have a budget of $600/month for groceries. The joke is that we have NO FRIGGING IDEA what we spend currently.

I'm going to the bank machine, withdrawing the $600 and using the envelope method. As our Financial Advisor said...."when it's gone, you eat popcorn". Hmmmm....that right there sounds like another nomination for the Parent of the Year Award

Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

In all honesty I'm pretty darn excited to try this out. I hope it helps us save money while reducing stress and guilt of preparing last minute crap-ass meals.

Wish me luck!!!