Resolution

Have you ever been struck with a feeling of panic?

That you never know when life will be forever changed and you haven't had time to enjoy, learn or do even half the things on your Bucket List?

This is me this week.

Ever since yesterday morning I have been having these overwhelming waves of emotions:  guilt, panic, stress, saddness, regret.  And I'm not even PMS-ing!

I live my life in a pretty constant state of fast forward.  I'm a planner by nature and my instincts always tell me to get myself organized for what could happen next.  Tomorrow always trumps today.  This might be pre-planning gifts or events, mapping out endless to-do lists, careful planning of vacation days.....you name it.  Sounds good, right?  I must be organized and on top of everything, right?  Wrong.  I'm always worried about what is on the horizon.  I spend far too much of my life looking at what's to come.  I am failing to appreciate and enjoy what is already here:  Today.

What would happen if I died today?  Would I be happy knowing that I had spent my lunch taking care of buying birthday cards for the end of month birthday parties we are scheduled to attend?  Would work appreciate the thought I am putting into configuring data in the system?  Probably not. 

When I get home with the boys every night I rush into the kitchen in a panic to get dinner going, switch laundry over and think about what is on the agenda for tomorrow.  What I should be doing is taking a few minutes to sit and play with my boys.  Give them my undivided attention.   The day will come in the not so distant future where they will want to spend every waking moment with anyone other than mommy.  And the thought of this missed opportunity breaks my heart.

It may be January 4th but it is not too late for a New Year's Resolution.

I will make a concentrated effort to live in the moment.  To stop taking tomorrow for granted.  To be a better mom to my boys and a better wife to my Super Husband.